I know this seems obvious to us now, but it wasn’t when we were starting our journey. It’s simple. It wasn’t ours, and it isn’t your fault.
We understand maybe you are where we were when we were starting out. You knew that something wasn’t right. But you had no idea of what it might be.
You see, we thought our son’s having autism was our fault. It had to be something we did or didn’t do.
My wife and I dug and dug and dug. We researched everything we could to find out what we had done to give our kids autism, and see if we could undo it.
Was it bad parenting by not loving them enough, or not being a strong disciplinarian, or maybe we were too strong and broke something? Did she not eat the right things while pregnant, or maybe we…. and on and on we went. We were desperately looking for where we went wrong? What caused his autism?
Numerous people have told us that “He wouldn’t act that way if he was my son,” or something similar to that. We know we’re not alone in these comments. Talk to any parent, and you hear the same stories over and over about how some well-meaning individual has a reason for your child being different, and often followed by some solution.
A fellow parent of a special needs kid told us that some stranger walked up to them and offered to “beat it out of their child.” But that’s not that way it works. They’re not misbehaving.
Autism is not caused by something you did or didn’t do. So stop beating yourself up about it.
Now, take a deep breath and relax for a minute. Now that you know it wasn’t you, focus on what you can do for your child. Those efforts will yield a lot more results than needlessly beating yourself up.
Current research suggests that autism is likely to be caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, which may include:
- Genetic mutations or variations
- Prenatal exposure to certain toxins or pollutants
- Maternal infection during pregnancy
- Other factors that affect brain development
The mutations may not be known by you and your family, and likewise, the toxins/pollutants have not been identified, as they do not seem to harm those who have already been born.
With that said, there are things you can do for your child. Get your child an official diagnosis if you haven’t already. This isn’t a label, this is the first step in getting your child help. Get an IEP so your child can get services in school. Get support for yourself, and get yourself educated so you can make the most of the situation. When our first son was diagnosed there wasn’t much available as far as services, programs and grants. Today there are many out there with more and more being added every year. Find out what is available in your area and apply, get on waiting lists as soon as possible. While more things are available to help, the number of individuals that need these same thing are increasing as well resulting in shortages. Keep looking. If you get denied ask them if they know of anything you may qualify for. Many times they do, but they don’t tell you unless you ask. As my father used to tell me, you can’t change the cards dealt to you… you can only change how you play them.
Most importantly remember, even with a diagnosis, this is still the same child you loved before the diagnosis.
