The life of a family with someone with autism is not your typical family life. While many things that we do are the same or similar, there are many things that are not. A common phrase in our house is “I never expected to have to say…in my life.” We say this A LOT.
Things that many families consider normal are sometimes HUGE milestones for us. People who don’t know our family situation often look at us like we are weird when we get really excited about small things. That’s OK. I don’t mind. Everyone should celebrate their own milestones.
Petting a Dog
My oldest son, who is a senior in high school, came home the other day and when we asked him what he did at school, he told us he pet a dog.
Frankly we were puzzled. He is terrified of dogs. He will literally yell and run toward you to get you to pick him up when he sees a dog – any dog, no matter the size or type. You don’t know how terrifying that is for a 5’3″ woman, seeing your very tall son running toward you at top speed.
About a minute later I got a text message from his teacher with a photo. In the photo you see someone holding a tiny dog with my son’s finger on top of the dog’s head. That was him petting the dog. We were so amazed and excited. We told him how great that was and how proud we were of him. Then we texted his teacher back saying how great that was and what an wonderful accomplishment that was. She shared in our excitement, knowing what a BIG deal this was.
Something so normal as petting a dog, or touching in our son’s case, was cause to celebrate.
Going to Prom
Growing up my oldest couldn’t handle loud noise. Many times we would show up to church late, to arrive after the music portion of the service. If we got there “too early”, then we would wait outside of the worship area until the music ended. He just couldn’t take it. He would cry and cover his ears.
He couldn’t go to movie theaters because it was too loud. They upset him so much he couldn’t even walk in front of a movie theater without getting upset. To this day we still can’t get him into a movie theater. Every time a new movie comes out that he wants to see we ask him if he wants to go see it in the theater. He always says no, and we don’t push the issue.
They would have dances at school and we would ask him if he wanted to go. He always said no.
One day we got a call from his high school teacher. She asked us if our son was going to Prom. She said he really wanted to go with his friends and had told them he was going. He had never even mentioned this to us.
We asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes. We spoke with his teacher and she said that she and several of the staff members would accompany the kids and keep an eye on them. So we agreed.
He and his friends went out to dinner beforehand and then went to Prom together. His teacher said he danced the entire time and never even asked for his headphones! Amazing!!!
I still get teary eyed thinking about this moment. This was something I never would have thought my son would have been able to experience, much less enjoy. What most parents take for granted, was such a monumental accomplishment for us.
Realizing Their Capabilities
I’ve learned over time that my boys are capable of so much more than what people say or think they can do.
They need gentle nudges to push them slightly out of their comfort zone. They need the encouragement and support telling them that they can do it.
They need baby steps to get them closer to those bigger accomplishments. They need time and patience to get there.
And most of all – they need love and acceptance.
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