My wife and I are both involved in various online forums, and you notice several questions routinely pop up. In addition to the big ones about how do you potty train your child, will they be able to handle going to school, and how do you control outbursts in public, you will often find one around haircuts.
These of course take different forms such as “How to keep my child still for a haircut?”, “My child hates getting their haircut.”, “Is there some place I can take my child to get a haircut?”, or something similar.
So let’s look at why there is a problem, and how we might go about solving it.
Why Are Haircuts So Challenging for Those on the Spectrum?
This is a great question, and it is all about the sensory challenges those on the spectrum have.
Touch – Think about how annoying it is to get a hair cut, and have some hairs fall between you and your shirt. Think about how much it can itch and you can not wait to get a shower and get it off. Now ramp that up to 11 as many people on the spectrum have a hyper sensitivity to the way things touch them. If they are sensitive to certain fabrics with clothing, why wouldn’t this also bother them.
Sound – Many people have sensitivity to noises. Hair clippers can be loud, and they go right by their ear. You may not think about it, as it is several feet from you, but the closer you get to the source of the noise, the louder it will seem. If you are using scissors, then you have the noise of the clipping sound as they open and close. So when you are extra sensitive that noise will be even more apparent.
Other Sensations – On top of the noise and the touch from the falling hair, you also have your hair being pulled to be cut straight, the sights and sounds of the barbershop/salon, the smells of the cleaning chemicals, and more. Any one of which might be manageable, but when combined, it makes it too much for your loved one on the spectrum to handle.
The Solution for Our Sons
Now, as with many suggestions, some of these may work, and some may not work for your child. These are the things that we’ve found to have worked with our children.
Comfortable Environment
Picking a location to do the haircut was important. Going into a barbershop or a hair salon may not work for them as it has lots of extra sensory elements. Everything from extra pictures on the wall of people, the talking between patrons and professionals plus the other patrons, the combined noise of clippers, etc.
Therefore, finding a location which they can be comfortable in is essential. We’ve seen recently how some barbers are becoming more aware, and allowing the children to sit and be the way that makes the most comfortable, such as sitting or even lying on the floor. Of course this is rare, which is why it makes the news, but it’s a positive step in the right direction to include neurodivergent individuals into a social setting.
When we started, our sons often sat on mommy’s lap. She wasn’t there to hold them down, but rather because they were more comfortable with her.
Cutting Your Child’s Hair
This option doesn’t work for everyone, but instead of introducing them to a stranger, daddy cut our kids’ hair. Kids are more comfortable in their own home and it is quieter. This cuts down on the extra stimulus they have to deal with. Plus they get rid of the itchiness right away since they can take a bath or shower as soon as it is done. (We often filled the tub while they were getting their hair cut – and since our kids liked taking baths, they saw it as a planned reward.)
For our boys, we use electric clippers which allow for quickly cutting the majority of their hair, then use scissors for the final touches. For our clippers, we’ve used several, Wahl and Phillips Norelco mainly. When we started, the cordless ones were not powerful enough for hair, only facial hair – which isn’t a problem with a 4 to 5 year old. However, as they’ve improved, you might want to look into a cordless one if possible to minimize the sensation of something hanging/dragging on them.
Taking it Slow
For our first son, we had to take haircuts slow, especially at first, because they bothered him so much. That meant a haircut was actually about 3 of them. We’d do a little until he couldn’t take it anymore, and then we’d stop. Sometimes we’d do a little while he was playing with a toy and wasn’t really paying attention. It was long, and often not complete, but it always got there. We’d never want to overstimulate him, or wait until he was throwing a complete fit before stopping, as that would make it harder the next time. Instead, we viewed it as a tortoise and the hare situation – slow and steady would win the race.
Give Them a Distraction
Early on, we would sometimes let our sons hold onto a favorite toy. This would serve three purposes. First, it was a simple distraction for them, so they don’t think about the haircut. Second, letting them pick the toy, helped them to feel in control with the situation, so they were less likely to fight us. Third it reduces the amount of hands you have getting in the way while you are cutting. A favorite toy works good for this, just don’t pick something that is cloth, as it might attract the loose hairs.
Careful with Clothing and Coverings
Normally a barber or stylist will put a plastic cloth over you to catch the hairs that fall. However, my kids never liked these as they were hot (especially in Florida) and added to the weird noises as they moved. So we just had them take off their shirt so it didn’t rub the hairs into them, and let them fall. We’d periodically pick up large clumps as they fell. We actively worked to catch the hair before it touched them. This helped with a lot of the sensory issues that they dealt with, and let them feel cooler.
Keep Your Instruments Sharp and Clean
There is a saying in kitchens that dull knives cut more fingers than sharp ones. This is actually true, even if it seems counter intuitive at first. If you are opting to cut your child’s hair, remember that you also need to keep the cutting tools sharp and/or lubricated so they don’t pull on hairs which can be painful.
Picking the Correct Time
Many kids have certain times of day where they get tired and cranky. Don’t book your appointment during that time. Try to select a time that isn’t busy and you don’t have to wait for a while. The first appointment of the day usually works well as there is no time for them to get backed up. Also try to go on a Tuesday-Thursday since those days are least busy typically.
Final Thoughts
Every child, and adult, is different. How they will respond is going to be unique to them. However, try little by little, and as with anything, you will eventually succeed. For us, it took many hair cuts for our eldest to get used to it and sit for a full haircut (which was celebrated by going to McDonald’s after his bath). For our second and third children, we let them watch an older brother getting their haircut, to see that it was be OK. And this helped.
