Like so many on the spectrum, the pandemic has been wrecking havoc on our family. The inability to handle and manage change is so strong, and yet all the kids hear is the “New Normal” and “Returning to Normal”.
Our eldest both understands this, and doesn’t, at the same time. He equates Corona-virus as a “bad cold” and doesn’t understand why people aren’t over it already, and why he is having to constantly go back into quarantine despite not feeling sick. He desperately pleads for it to be back to normal, and for us to return to his favorite restaurants and eat in their dining room again.
“I just want things back to normal,” he begs multiple times a day. Sometimes multiple times an hour, and for so long, I wasn’t sure how to handle it, other than to hug and love on him the best I could.
Another Approach
Today I tried something different. Instead of thinking of all the things that have changed, I instead started listing all the things that have stayed the same.
- We eat dinner together,
- We watch movies and TV shows together, (yesterday was the Incredible Hulk TV series)
- He’s still responsible for taking out the trash,
- We still hug on each other and give each other high fives when we’re happy or need comfort,
- and on and on the list went.
I probably listed 20 things that we do that have remained the same, hoping to help him focus on those things instead of the things that have changed.
One thing I’ve learned from being the parent of an autistic child is that sometimes we have to re-frame our ideas and learn to focus on the good.
It’s easy to focus on the negative, but if we can focus on the good things, it’s easier to see them. Maybe this will help him. I’m sure it will take more than one reminder, but that’s OK, we’re used to repetition around this house.
And I have to say, that reminder is good for me as well. I also need to remember the good things; the things that have stayed the same. Maybe that’s how we start getting back to normal.
Update From the Future
It’s been a couple of years since we first published this article. In some ways, things are still different. In some ways, things have gotten back to normal.
We’re trying to remember the things that we still do. The important things in our life.
We miss some things we still don’t do, or do as often, and we try to teach our sons to appreciate what we have, as we never know when it is going to go away. That’s a good life lesson, however. We cannot control many things in our life, but as my father used to tell me, we can control how we respond to them.
The outlook of our life is what really matters here, and that’s the thing we can control. As the adults, we need to make it the best we can for our kids, so we don’t inadvertently lead them down a wrong path that has nothing but frustration.
