Last week we experienced wind waves. We never had anything like wind waves when we lived in Florida. The closest we had were the winds from a hurricane, but wind waves were nothing like these.
A wind wave is when wind builds up and gusts really hard and blows for a period of time and then dies down, giving you a period of calm before starting all over again. Sometimes the previous gusts haven’t even died down before the next wave starts in. It can be very unsettling.
This reflects how it is like living in an autistic family. Sometimes it can be really stressful when your child is in the middle of a meltdown and then your other children feed off it and it builds. Now instead of having one child to try to calm down you now have two or three. Luckily when my husband is home he can help me by working with my oldest, who responds better to my husband, and I can work with the other one or two that are also upset.
Last Tuesday we had plans to go to dinner with my in-laws. Usually when we go out to dinner we eat around 5:30 pm, however this time my husband had to work late due to some meetings. Therefore, we would be meeting my in-laws at 7 pm. Well, 5:30 rolls around and my son is getting concerned that we haven’t left yet. I reassure him that we will be eating dinner at 7 pm.
He calms for a little while, but when 6 pm comes around he starts insisting in a loud voice that it is time to go eat. I try reminding him in a calm voice that we will be leaving around 6:45 to go eat, but this brings on a full blown meltdown. I separate him from our other two children and try calming him down , but every time I’d have him almost calm he would just get frustrated again and the meltdown would start all over again. A little while later his father got home from work and was able to calm him down.
The next few days were calm, but then one day my youngest son came home from pre-k and he had several new students join his class. Unfortunately his new classmates all had a rough day and cried all day. This made for a very stressful day for my little guy. Typically he gets off the bus and skips up to the house. This however was not a typical day. He was sulking and very unhappy. Luckily I had gotten a heads up from his teacher and knew this could be coming. Good communication my children’s teachers have been a lifesaver on many occasions. As soon as we got inside the meltdown started, but I was prepared and was able to redirect to something he really likes and was able to calm him pretty quickly.
Most days are wonderful days with three happy boys that enjoy spending time with each other and with us. So while the wind waves of being an autism family are always with us, luckily we have much more calm and wonderful times than the waves themselves. And at least it’s only waves and not a constant storm.
Over the years I’ve learned what things cause the waves and work hard to avoid them and detect the signs and minimize or avoid them. Pay close attention to your child. In most cases they give you signs of emotions building and by redirection or removing them from the situation you can reduce or eliminate meltdowns.
The biggest thing for me is to try not to amplify the problem. Remaining calm and speaking to your child in a quiet, calming voice can work wonders. I work hard not to get frustrated myself, especially after they’ve done something wrong, as they feed off of my emotions and this amplifies theirs. Sometimes it helps me to step away and return when I have calmed down to discuss the problem if they are not continuing to misbehave. However, it is important to not wait too long as they forget what they have done and might not understand why they are in trouble now.
We all brave the wind waves of autism family living. Just remember the calm is coming.
