When your child gets diagnosed with Autism, there are lots of things you’ll get told right away. Many of you might have observed these already and is why you decided to have your child tested. These would include things like:
- Not making eye contact,
- Lack of verbal communication (possibly being non-verbal),
- Meltdowns when frustrated, etc.
However, there are so many things you learn all at once, and sometimes things that they don’t tell you. Either because it isn’t an immediate concern, or it’s not something that every child will go through, but yours just might.
Based upon a lot of common questions I’ve been finding in some online forums, I wanted to share some fairly common things you might need to expect.
This is the first is a small series of things that you need to be aware of. Some of them will be funny, others will hopefully help you realize you are not the only one that is going through things like this.
Potty Training
Traditional child-rearing books will tell you your child should transition out of diapers between 18 and 24 months, with some saying it could take 36 months, and at the same time, you’ll all have that friend who’s wonder-kin was potty trained in a day at 10 months.
Let me just put it to rest. That will not be you, no matter how much you want it.
Many parents and caregivers of children on the spectrum simply suggest throwing that guideline away.
Four to six years is not unheard of, and many children, like one of our sons, simply refuse to have a bowel movement on the toilet for several years after he was otherwise potty trained. Unfortunately, we cannot know for sure why this is an issue, whether it is dealing with sitting on the toilet, the way it feels, or just because it was different.
The great news, for us at least, was once he did go in the toilet, he never had an issue again.
All of our children took longer than normal, but all of ours could eventually be potty trained. However, we know so some on the spectrum that require adult diapers.
A strong suggestion is to try to incorporate it into your child’s IEP. That way they can take your child to the bathroom every hour or so, so help the training process, instead of it being different at home and at school.
Eating
I’m going to admit, I’m a picky eater. However, it is nothing like my children.
While many have tried to explain why a child on the spectrum may not want to eat a variety of foods, I think it comes down to a simple problem really. Many people on the spectrum have sensory sensitivities. I believe this includes textures of what you feel in your mouth and what you hear when you eat.
If you think about it, you can hear yourself chew crunchy foods, something you probably don’t think about, but if you are sensitive to certain sounds, it might cause problems. Likewise, the texture of the food may cause issues.
Recently my wife met someone whose child only ate soup. It was a real problem for them and they were seeing a specialist to try to get their child to eat more things.
Of course, with your child it may not be soup – it might be a specific brand of chicken nuggets, or only certain types of bread, etc. Things which might seem identical to you are not necessarily to them. My in-laws recently suggested a food, saying it was the same as another, and my wife and I had to laugh. “It may be the same to you and I, but it’s not to them.”
I have a friend who mentioned her goal was to get her son to eat a Happy Meal. Now most parents would be trying to keep their kids from eating them, or at least eating them too often. Yet, she couldn’t wait for the day where he would, eventually go to a resturant and eat something that all the other kids could.
Some kids will expand what they eat. My eldest only used to eat dino chicken and spiral cut ham at home. Now we’ve added turkey, fried chicken, meatballs, and a few other things. My youngest used to only eat bread and muffins, but now will eat buns, hamburgers (but not on the bun), pizza, and other items.
It’s been a long, slow process, but it has happened.
Liking Childish Things
One of the things I didn’t think about when our sons were younger was that you don’t grow out of being autistic. However, many, due to a variety of reasons, may be stuck in a child-like stage, where they like childish things. You’ll see a 20+ year old who still wants their stuffed animals to sleep with, or who likes to watch Sesame Street and Teletubbies.
We constantly try to expose our children to age appropriate TV shows and movies, but we still watch a lot of Pixar and other animated films because they love them. It’s something that makes them feel comfortable and safe.
So don’t be afraid if you see your adult child wanting something that a younger person would want – it’s not abnormal for them.
Stay tuned for part 2, as there are more things for you to learn about your child and how they are going to be different.
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