Help! My Child Won’t Sleep!

How much sleep does a child need?

This varies, depending on who you talk to, and yes, this does mean even in the medical industry. Many doctors recommend:

• Ages 1-2 are recommended to have between 12-14 hours of sleep a night.
• Ages 3-6 are recommended to have between 10-12 hours of sleep a night.
• Ages 7-12 are recommended to have between 10-11 hours of sleep a night.
• Ages 13-17 are recommended to have between 9-10 hours of sleep a night.

As each child is different, this is only a guideline. It’s best to look at your child’s behavior to tell if they are having trouble sleeping.

For example, consider the following questions to see if your child is getting enough sleep:

• Do they fall asleep during the day without much exertion or being sick?
• Do they act more irritable than normal? Frequent meltdowns?
• Are they always yawning?

If you recognize any of these symptoms, you may want to look at their sleeping patterns. The problem is, many people on the spectrum don’t sleep like a person not on the spectrum.

Our eldest son needs less than six hours of sleep a night. So even though he didn’t sleep much, he didn’t have any of those symptoms. We’d put him to bed, and he’d stay there, but be awake talking to himself, bouncing a ball beside his bed, etc. until nearly midnight. Then he’d go to sleep and wake up at 6AM, or sometimes earlier. But it never seemed to affect his daily routine.

Another teenage son of ours needs a minimum of nine hours of sleep a night, and sometimes falls asleep while watching TV before bed. Yes, I’ve actually had my husband carry him to bed because he was too tired to walk himself to bed.

For those on the spectrum that need extra sleep, it’s easy – let them get it. But trying to get a child to rest who doesn’t seem to want it, or in some cases need it…that’s a different story.

How can I help?

Typically, the first thing people recommend is melatonin. While this helps some people sleep, it doesn’t work for everyone, especially with children. I always encourage people to try other methods first and use melatonin as a last resort and to check with their doctor first. There is always a risk of side effects if you add something else when on prescription medication.

There are many things you can try before seeking a medical solution. Remember, every person is different, so don’t just try one and give up. Find the solution that works best for your child.

• Keep a normal pre-bedtime routine. Do the same things each night before putting your child to bed. A routine lets the body know what to expect next. We often watch a TV show, get our nighttime vitamins, and say prayers… in that order. Once the TV show goes on, they start to know what is coming next. They even will often in their pajamas first to get themselves ready.
• Try to go to bed around the same time every day and wake up about the same time. Once again, this establishes a routine for your body.
• Reduce caffeine consumption prior to going to bed. This isn’t just tea or soda, it can also be found in health bars and chocolate. That means no soda after dinner in our house.
• Reduce or remove any sensory sensitivities around bedtime. Don’t watch a loud movie when your child is trying to sleep if they have a noise sensitivity, don’t turn on the hall light if they have a light sensitivity, etc.
• Reduce the amount of stimuli at least one hour before bed. This may not work for a person who has already developed a routine of watching TV before going to bed. Remember, a routine is training your body. You will have to retrain your body if you have already developed this routine.
• Make sure you have removed distractions. Don’t keep the toys out near your child’s bed. Don’t put a bunch of stuffed animals in bed with them. One or two is plenty for calming.
• Make sure they are comfortable. Do they seem comfortable in bed? Is it too hot or too cold?
• Try to avoid late naps during the day.
• Make sure they use the restroom before going to bed, that way they don’t wake up in the middle of the night.
• Check their bedding and clothes and make sure the textures aren’t bothering them.

My child won’t sleep by himself

This one is a toughie. I struggled with this one with all three of my children. We believe that consistency and persistence is the best way.

If they’ve already gotten used to sleeping with someone, then you will need to retrain them. And it always seems easier to train them to be with someone.

We almost had our youngest trained to sleep alone, and he got sick. We held him for a week so he could sit upright and breathe easier as he slept… it took nearly a month to get him in his bed alone again.

One way is to hold them until they fall asleep and then put them in bed. The key is keeping them asleep while putting them into the bed. If they wake up, you’ve got to start all over. Most of the time, if they are already sleeping through the night, they will stay asleep. You will need to do this for many nights in a row. Then try the method below.

Put them into the bed and stay in the room with them, but do not sleep in bed next to them. Place a chair in the room to sit in and turn the lights out. When you hear them get up out of bed, tell them it is bedtime and they need to go back to bed. Use a comforting phrase, such as “Everything is ok. I’m right here.”

Make sure they stay in bed. It will most likely take a while the first couple of nights/weeks, depending on your child. Stay consistent and persistent. 

You can also develop a bedtime routine. Be consistent. Take a bath. Put them in pajamas. Lay down in bed. Read a book. Turn the light out. Say good night. Make sure it is an easily duplicated routine that you can do while on vacation or when someone else is watching the kids. If this doesn’t work, combine with the suggestion above. 

Most importantly, be calm when trying to put your child to bed, even if it is the fifteenth time that night and you’re frustrated. Kids can pick up on this frustration and you’ll never get them to sleep. If you need to do something calming for yourself before it is time to put the kids to bed, then do it. 

If all else fails, you can keep a sleep log and track what your child eats and drinks and their activities 1-2 hours prior to bedtime and try to figure out if there is something that is affecting their ability to sleep. You can also note room temperature too.