Note: While we typically write about our experiences in living on the autism spectrum, we feel that, especially for this year, this topic is relevant to everyone, especially if you had a child that struggled. These are our opinions, based upon our experiences, and how we handled it. While we are not encouraging anyone to necessarily have a child repeat a grade, we recognize that sometimes it is necessary and we just want to provide you with some information in case you recently got that suggestion, or you think it needs to be done. Some specific information for those on the spectrum can be found toward the bottom of the article.
This past school year (2019-2020) due to Covid was an extremely challenging year for many students. At the end of the school year almost all classes were moved to an online format. Students had already learned three fourths of what they needed to learn from that school year before classes moved to online. While difficult, there was an attitude of togetherness, and with most children mostly done, everyone pulled together to get students finished. This meant putting the pause on standardized testing and other things which typically pulled from end of the year academics. With a focus on the learning, we all moved as one until we got across the finish line.
This school year (2020-2021) was a different story. Most students started classes online only. Some were able to transition to in person learning quicker than others and some stayed entirely online for the school year. Some went four days a week in person, others only two days a week. Teachers and schools noted that in many cases the students were falling behind what was typically covered in a normal school year. Many classes build off of the previous year’s classes, so if important information wasn’t covered it could cause your child to start out behind and not be able to catch up in time.
In the university that my husband teaches in, several departments noticed that the students who opted to attend online via Zoom averaged a letter grade lower scores than those in person. If they watched pre-recorded videos, it dropped them another letter grade. Many parents, ourselves included, were concerned about a drop in learning. Luckily our middle son stayed on task and did most of the work. Even still, he dropped about a half letter grade in some of his classes.
In talking with the local high school administrators, they were overwhelmed as a much larger than normal number of students were going to need remediation during the summer due to one or more failed classes. In a high school, it’s a bit easier to repeat a single class, but in elementary school, you are more likely to need to repeat a whole year. And while many people will argue that you should never hold a child back, we believe there are legitimate times that it is best if you truly care about the child, and while each child is different, we wanted to provide some perspective on if you should consider (requesting) holding your child back.
Reasons to Hold Back a Student
Teachers can recommend that a student be held back for a year or a parent/guardian could also. Why would you want to hold back a student? If the school requests to hold back your child, be sure to ask why and listen carefully to the answer. The first time it was suggested to us was in preschool of all things. We thought, “how can a child not move from PK3 to PK4, most of the prerequisite for being in the PK4 class, is being four!?!” It was emotional for us and we were defensive. Luckily the school director was patient with us and walked us through their reasoning which actually was very sound.
Let us encourage you to be patient and listen. It will be hard to hear, we know. But this isn’t a failing of your child, or of you. Some children, especially this year, will need a little extra assistance and time to get to where they need to be.
If you want to hold your child back, be sure to know why. There needs to be a specific reason, ex. their math skills are too far behind, they are struggling with reading, etc. Have documentation to back up your case, as many schools do not want to hold back a child. They are allotted only so many before their bosses start to look at them.
Regardless of which side is requesting to hold your child back a year, there are several typical reasons.
Math Skills
Math is a critical skill, especially for many high school and college level classes. Now you might ask, “how does not being able to multiply in the fourth grade make my child less likely to take a higher level science class in college?”
Well, math continues to build on previous math concepts. That multiplication is one of the building blocks for algebra, trigonometry, and much more. The further behind they are, the harder it is to catch up. They may continue to struggle with math for the rest of their life. I personally struggled with math most of my life. I studied for math more than all my other classes put together, yet I always did just well enough in math.
If math skills could be a problem for your child in the future, it might be worth it to hold them back to save them from a lot of extra stress and work. Many of your high school and college level sciences have heavy math components, everything from astronomy, to chemistry, to physics, and even computer science/programming all have large math components to them.
Reading Comprehension
Reading comprehension is something you will need your entire life. Many people can read more than they actually understand. Reading comprehension factors into almost every class your child will take, whether for learning the concepts of the subject being studied (history, science, etc.), reading written instructions, or just reading for fun.
Reading comprehension will also carry on into your child’s adult life. Comprehension can make the difference between doing something safely or getting injured. Comprehension can involve understanding instructions at your job, where your boss may not have time to show you. Instead, they will give you a manual and expect you to read and follow those instructions. If you misunderstand and do something wrong you can be fired.
Comprehension can involve signing a contract/waiver that doesn’t protect you only the other person. Those who feel like they don’t read well, may not pay attention to contracts and sign away their rights, or be liable for something they didn’t realize. I remember reading a form I had to fill out at my dentist one time. In the middle of the form was a “[insert dentist practice name]”. It was clearly a form template they had purchased, and they forgot to change the form. I brought it to the attention of the receptionist, and she laughed. She informed me that they had been using that form for over two years, and no one had brought it to their attention. When I went back a little latter, I got the form again, but this time they had fixed it… all because someone had finally read it. It made me wonder how many other forms do people sign without reading?
Writing Skills
Writing skills will continue to develop as your child progresses from one grade to the next. Falling behind or missing essential skills can cause issues down the line. Good writing skills typically result in higher grades, while poor writing skills can penalize a student who cannot express themselves as well, even if they know the material.
This can lead to problems not only in English classes, but any class where you may need to write paragraphs, papers or responses short answer questions. This can also carry on into a future job where a poorly written e-mail can cost someone their job just because it was not interpreted the way the writer intended.
This can also carry over into their social life through social media. People get picked on all the time on social media because of their writing and language skills. The person may be much brighter than they appear, but they may start believing they are not smart with all of the harassment they receive.
Social Skills
While not as important for neurotypical students, social skills can be important and life changing for a special needs child. This is why our first son was held back in pre-kindergarten.
If you have a special needs child who is in an inclusion class, social skills can be almost as important for them as the academic aspect. If the child doesn’t fit in or cannot communicate with their peers, it can be beneficial to hold them back a year in the earlier grades to give them more confidence or give them extra time to build a strong academic foundation to make sure they can be successful in future grades.
While many people will recommend not holding a child back due to the assumed social stigma, imagine the social stigma associated with a child who cannot properly communicate with their classmates, and how that might affect them.
Why not hold them back?
The reason many people don’t hold back a student is because of feelings.
A teacher may really like the student and not want the student, or their parents, to be angry at them for suggesting they repeat a grade. Unfortunately, many parents are too harsh on teachers who are just trying to do their job.
Parents may not want to hold back their child because they may think their child, or they as a parent, are a failure. Some parents think that the other students will pick on their child since they were held back. Some parents will think that other parents will look down on them – but in reality, it isn’t anyone’s business but the parent, teacher, and child.
A child may not want to repeat a grade because none of their friends are and they want to stay with their friends. They may think that this makes them “dumb”, and we need to remove this stigma from them.
People need to think long term, not short term. This decision can have a huge impact on the child’s future. If you carefully explain it to your child, it can make a difference in how they view it. You need to make sure they don’t feel like a failure. Tell them about all the great things they did the past school year, then mention that they had a little bit of trouble in reading/math/etc. and think it would be best if they had more time to work on that so they can be the best student they can be. Many times they improve so much academically that the next year is a breeze for them and can be a great confidence booster which can carry into future grades.
Most of the time they don’t have the same classmates from year to year so be sure to mention that people won’t realize that they repeated the grade unless your child brings it up. They also most likely wouldn’t have had many of the same classmates as the previous year, so they might not be in the same class as their friends anyway.
If a child progresses to the next grade when they should have been held back they could face future problems. They may be way behind their classmates and they might be called stupid by inconsiderate classmates. Your student could have to study so much to catch up with their classmates that it can take away all their free time or they could become overwhelmed by the amount of work or lack of understanding that it can be very stressful for them and cause them to have an emotional breakdown. Teachers have a lot of students that they are responsible for teaching. They typically teach to the level that the majority of the class is at, so if your child is further behind than their classmates and doesn’t speak up and ask questions then they could get further behind.
Making the Decision
It’s important to speak with the people who directly work with your child before making a decision. Ask their opinions and share your thoughts. Some people involve their child in this process, some do not. I would recommend discussing things at the school first and then talking with your child. You can always contact the school back with your decision.
It’s important to let your child you love them and want them to succeed. Let them know that you only want what is best for them.
Our Situation
When our son was in elementary school we elected to keep him back a grade as he struggled a little both socially and academically. His reading and writing skills were not as strong as we had hoped. We were afraid that if he continued that he might get too far behind and continue to struggle throughout his life.
We spoke with his teacher and she seemed afraid of how he’d respond. He wasn’t a bad student, and always was polite. And while he had good grades overall, he didn’t do as well on the standardized test. As parents, we were concerned about him being passed because he was a good kid, and not because he was ready to move to the next grade. My husband and I volunteered to tell him.
We sat him down and told him. He was sad and cried, but we told him it wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t because he was bad, or anything like that. We explained it in the best way that we could to a third grader that he just needed some extra time in reading and writing. After that one day, he didn’t seem sad any more.
He started the next school year without any questions, and treated it like it was his first day of third grade. He was more confident and did very well in his classes. He made honor roll for the first time that year, and continues to get honor roll most semesters. He has continued to progress both academically and socially, far exceeding what we could have expected.
If you want to know just how far he has progressed: this year he will start duel-enrollment in college, while in high school.
Holding him back was not an easy choice, but it is a choice that I’m glad we made.
