I hear so many people say, “My kid can’t to this or that. That is too difficult for them…” People often sell individuals with special needs short. They can do so much more than people realize. The key is to set them up for success and to help them along the way.
If you constantly baby your child or tell them they can’t do something because it’s too hard, they will never learn. You need to set realistic goals, break things down into smaller steps and guide them to accomplishing their goals.
Before You Teach the New Skill
Decide what specifically needs to be taught before the learning experience starts. Think about the skill that needs to be learned, the setting they will use it in and the child’s learning style. Everyone learns in different ways – visual, written, verbal or a combination of these. Pick a time where they are at their best and when there are the fewest distractions.
Smaller Steps
Some skills may need to be broken down into smaller steps. For instance, you want your child to wash their hands. For most people, this seems simple, however if you think about it, there are a lot of steps involved. First you turn on the water, then you put soap on your hands (cover completely), then you rinse the soap off of your hands, then you turn off the faucet and finally you dry your hands.
Many children on the autism spectrum have difficultly following over three consecutive instructions – this has five. It’s important to think of all the steps involved.
First, you can show the steps for your child. Be sure to explain the steps simply and one at a time. “Let’s wash our hands. Turn on the water.” Now you turn on the water. “Cover your hands with soap.” Cover your hands and theirs with soap. Then continue until the whole skill is complete.
Next time you say the steps and have them do them. If they start to do something wrong, correct them before they make the mistake, if you can, or as soon as they make it, if you can’t stop them. It is important to fix the mistake immediately, otherwise they learn the task incorrectly and it will be harder to fix it next time. If they can’t get it correct using verbal directions, then return to demonstration and try again. Then, after demonstrating the skill, have them try again with verbal prompts.
Once they have mastered the tasks with verbal prompts, then have them try on their own. Be sure to stop them immediately if they make a mistake and correct the mistake. This method of starting with demonstration, moving on to prompts and finally finishing the skill alone helps build muscle memory and build confidence while they learn the new skill.
What If They Still Can’t Master The New Skill?
If this method doesn’t work, then they may not be ready for this skill yet. For instance, when learning to ride a bike, you don’t just show it and then off they go. You typically start with training wheels, then once they can ride using training wheels, you remove them and walk with them. Finally, you let go and usually they fall, but after a few falls they figure it out and can ride on their own.
If they simply cannot master a new task, then maybe they are not ready for it yet. What part are they having a difficult time mastering? Is there a better way to show or explain it? What can you do to prepare them for this new skill? These are all things you need to consider.
First, you need to figure out why they cannot master the skill. Maybe they need to learn something else first. For instance, my youngest son is behind on his writing skills. I thought he was further along than he was.
So I purchased a pre-writing magnetic board to teach him the motions and help him work on pencil grip. Then I purchased pencil grips to teach him how to hold a pencil/crayon correctly. I found printouts on pre-writing skills and had him work on those.
My original way didn’t work. I was working on basic letter formation, however, he had not mastered pre-writing skills yet. So I tried to think of new ways to show and teach basic letter formation. My son is very visual and tactile, so I purchased the Wikki Stix Alphabet card set. This allowed him to work on basic letter formation in a fun way. Then I purchased some tactile letter cards where he could trace the letters with his fingers to reinforce what he was learning differently.
By determining where the problem was in learning the new skill, I could correct my teaching style. I took a step back and worked on pre-writing skills and found several ways to prepare him for the new task. With each progression, I can move him toward accomplishing the letter formation goal without frustrating him. It’s a step-by-step process that will take a little longer, but I am confident that he will eventually accomplish this goal.
Changing the Goal
Maybe you just need to change the new skill. For instance, one of my oldest son’s chores is to do the weeding. However, when he would try to weed in the garden, he would pull out as many plants as he did weeds. We tried showing him the difference several times and he never could figure out the difference. So we simply changed the chore. Now he weeds everything except the garden areas.
Say your child needed to wear a collared shirt for school dress code. Your child doesn’t like collared shirts. You have tried building up his tolerance for collared shirts by having him wear it for short periods of time and then slowly trying to increase the amount of time. However, this isn’t working very well. Then, maybe you need to change the skill.
We had a similar problem when my oldest started working. His required work shirt had a collar and was itchy, both of which were problems for my son. We tried the method above without success, so I contacted his boss and asked if we could have him wear a solid t-shirt that was the same color as his work shirt underneath it. He agreed. With this modification, my son could accomplish this task.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Make sure that you are setting realistic expectations for your child. Make sure that you have enough time to teach them the new skills. Rushing them through may hinder their ability to learn the skills. Some kids just take more time than others. Make sure it is something that they are physically able for them to do. Not every child is athletic or coordinated.
Maybe they are just not ready yet. Sometimes the best thing to do is to wait. Pick a new task and come back to this one. If there is a similar task, try that one instead. Maybe that task will be easier to learn and help them better learn the previous task you were teaching at a later time.
Maybe you want your child to eat the same meal as everyone else, but he won’t. You set the same thing in front of him, but he won’t eat it. It could be a sensory issue. First, look at what your child eats. Try to find things similar to what they eat. You could work on adding one new thing at a time or have them take a bite of each thing without making faces or complaining. Then if they don’t like it, then they don’t need to finish it. The key is getting them to try.
Does Your Child Need To Do This Skill?
Sometimes it’s best to just to move on to a different skill if you’ve tried for a while with no success. You can always come back to it. Not every skill needs to be learned. If it isn’t necessary, it might be better to come up with a different solution. For instance, if they cannot learn how to tie shoes, you can always purchase velcro shoes. They even have them in adult sizes now.
Pick your battles. Some things they need to learn to be more independent, safe or healthy. Other things are nice for them to do, but not essential. Focus on the things that are most important and move on from the skills that aren’t necessary. You can always try again later.
