Disclaimer: This is clearly an opinion piece, but it comes from a unique perspective. Not only do we have multiple children on the spectrum, but I am a educator myself. We’ve reviewed all types of information for determining if I should return to the classroom this fall, as well as if we should send our own kids. These decisions have not been easy, but we’re giving you some ideas as to what we’ve done, as well as how we came up with our decisions.
If this question isn’t being asked in almost every household with a child right now, I’d be surprised. Parents are worrying about a variety of factors such as 1) will their kids regress further, 2) the social and mental health needs of the child, 3) the physical health needs of the child, and of course 4) helping get things back to normal so the parents and children can both do what needs to be done.
For parents with special needs children, these questions are even more severe in many cases. Special needs children, especially those on the spectrum, tend to regress faster than a neuro-typical child. They are also more likely to be affected by changing schedules and routines, as well as things that they simply cannot do during the pandemic. We’ve seen this in our own children as well, and that might cause you to wish to send the child back right away.
However, many parents also deal with additional health problems that extend beyond the diagnosis of autism. My son lost a friend last year due to complications during surgery. That was before the pandemic hit, and is a constant threat. He’s had other friends who have been in the hospital as well, because of unrelated health issues.
As a parent of multiple children on the spectrum, I can tell you that we’ve analyzed this 10 ways to Sunday, and we still don’t have a definitive answer. It’s not a simple, clear cut, yes or no answer. It’s filled with nuance and subtly and we’re still working on the decision.
What Parents Want
In talking with other parents in our children’s classes, as well as others we know, there are a few things that we’d like to know. (If you are a school board, teacher, etc. – please listen up.)
We want to know what is school going to be like. Walking us through how the day will go is HUGE. It lets us know there is a plan in place. When we watch the news and talk to people, we often feel like a plan is missing. Or a plan was concocted for if the school was to open with students in person, but if the school had to start virtually (as ours did), there wasn’t a plan in place for total online learning, and we’re back to winging it.
Maybe there was a plan for the 95% of your student population that can sit in front of a computer and listen to a teacher. But that is not our kids. Our children have special needs, it says so right there in the way you title them. Quit trying to treat them like a normal child.
We look for stories to tell our children about washing hands, and how we now greet people in class, instead of running up and giving a big hug to them… we need to know that our kids who obsess about everything, will think about, but not have an unhealthily obsession about the dangers before them instilled.
We want to be involved. Yes, we know you’re the professional. And yes, we trust you with our children. You know what to expect, except this isn’t the expected. We’ve not lived through a pandemic like this before, and it’s affecting our children even more severely than other children. As their parents, we are now the expert in how special needs children are dealing with the pandemic. We want to… no, we need to help you identify what is going on, what we’ve done to hang on during the summer, and what can be done from here on.
During IEP meetings, you’ll often hear about “the team”. But the school is often ignoring the only members who’ve seen the child in the last five months. We have a vested interest in the physical and mental health of our children and are often willing to help you craft your plan – you just need to let us.
Our Initial Choices
These were our choices based upon what we saw. My wife and I spent weeks discussing this, looking at every possible answer, and will probably continue to second guess ourselves.
For our eldest son, who is a super-senior, and a moderate to severe autistic:
We were part of a meeting with several members of the school. We were offered both full-time and hybrid options where they could attend every other day essentially. We looked at how the classes would be, as well as what was going to change with the instructors and instruction. Given the size of the school, and the options, it sounded like there were only be 2 or maybe 3 students in a room for a given group. Given that the room normally holds 10-12, and could hold more, this would allow for lots of physical spacing. We felt if would be safe enough for him to return, especially since he doesn’t have any preexisting health conditions which would potentially cause issues.
For our youngest son, who is starting kindergarten and a severe autistic:
At the outset, only Pre-K and Kindergarten classes were going to meet in person, and thus his class was supposed to be really small. Like him and one other child in his special needs class. There would have been more adults than children, and that should allow for a lot of safety. Looking at the scheduled cleaning regimen we felt it was safe for him to return.
Our son who is high functioning was a different story:
With parents given the option to learn online or in person, most of his classes would have been much smaller. For the first time in awhile, high school classes would have less than 20 kids in it, however, we know how teenagers are. We remember how crowded halls are, and can’t imagine a lunchroom that isn’t full of noise. We decided initially to let him go back in person, but reconsidered as the school went fully online when there was an outbreak among the football team.
So what actually happened:
There’s an old military saying that no plan survives contact with the enemy. In high school you could say that “no plan survives an outbreak due to the football team.”
All of the planning, which the school had done was originally for some students to be live in person, others to be online, and the special needs children to have either a split schedule where they come in two days a week or fully in person… instead it went to fully online, for everyone.
The special needs children have all been expected to go online as well. However, there wasn’t a plan for that, and we wait in limbo while a plan is being developed. Given the interaction that was expected, we don’t think there would have been any safety concerns, but when they shut the school down, it was shut down for all students, and now we wait.
We’re lucky to have some very talented and dedicated teachers, and we’re sure they’re just as frustrated as we are, but until then, there’s little we can do.
We reiterate that as parents, we are subject matter experts and would like to be consulted to help craft something safe and useful for our kids during these challenging times.
We are also upset there there are more pages of documentation on how to work with the sports teams than our special needs children. We understand sports are a big part of high school, but too many schools are putting too much emphasis on their teams and nearly none on the special needs children.
Plans for the future:
So what are we going to do in the future. To be honest, I don’t know. We will reevaluate the situation when we can send them to school again. As for me, I returned to my classroom today. The university I teach at is doing it’s best to accommodate students and faculty as safely as possible. Some are online, others are in person, and whether I continue to teach in person or online is based upon a number of factors.
My wife and I sat down and set-up some criteria for us to determine if we feel it’s safe to return based upon what we see on campus and what happens in our community. Maybe we’ll use that criteria to see if we’ll feel safe returning our kids to the classroom.
In the end, there is no perfect answer. Each has to be chosen by parents individually, and no matter how much you think, over think, or worry about your decision, there will always be doubt if it was the best decision to make or not. You can’t live in fear and paralysis, and at some point you just have to move forward.
Should your child go back?
In the end, only you can make that decision. You know your child and their needs the best. Every child is different and you need to consider what works best for your child both academically, emotionally, and physically; not what others say is best for your child. Don’t feel bullied into a decision by others, including us. When we spoke with our son’s teacher and the school staff, we felt that they had a safe enough plan that it was an acceptable risk. You may not – and that is perfectly fine as well.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your child have any special medical needs that might make them more susceptible to catching and/or having a severe case?
- How safe do you feel your school’s plan is? Know that if you have multiple children, you might feel safe sending one, but not the other.
- What does the situation look like in your area? Someone speaking from California where there is a massive outbreak may look at things completely differently than someone where there are relatively few cases.
- How much regression has your child faced?
- Are you able to provide assistance for your child? i.e. do they need special therapy that you can’t provide, or can you handle most of it?
- How has your child coped emotionally during the lock down?
There may be other questions as well. But these were the questions that we started with.
Remember, you are your child’s greatest advocate. Only you can fully know what is best. Just remember to be thinking of them, and not of what you want to, or don’t want to, do.
