I see this question in various forms in online discussions all the time. Sometimes it is from a parent or caregiver and their child is non-verbal at age 5 or 6, and they wonder what will it be like at 10, 15, 21, or some other magical number.
I had someone recently post in an online form will it be easier or harder when they are older, and I thought that was a good question. I’m not sure they liked the answer, but a lot of other parents agreed with it so I thought I’d share it with you.
I simply said “the short answer is: Yes”.
I went went on and explained, that the long answer is yes, some things will become easier. Your child will hopefully learn coping mechanisms, and learn how to self-soothe. They will learn how to communicate, even without words, either through ASL (American Sign Language), or an alternative speaking device. Our non-verbal almost seven year old uses picture cards we and his teachers have created to ask for food, toys, and other things like that. In those ways, our life is getting easier.
But, you will also have new challenges which may make it harder. I remember our oldest going through puberty, and not understanding the changes to his body. You might think of how difficult puberty was for you, but imagine not being able to communicate well. We’d constantly need to remind him that it was part of him growing up, and he can shave his face. We have to talk about other changes going on, and sometimes I think he thought we were crazy.
Add to that the hormonal changes, and you were never quite sure what you were going to get. He would break down and cry for no apparent reason. And he wouldn’t be able to tell us. I had never felt so hopeless as to hold my crying son, and not know how to help him. With him, all the changes seemed to amped up to 11 on a scale of 10, and he’d get mad, sad, and more. It was a challenge we never had to deal with when he was 5 or 6.
Another thing to remember is that every year more products, resources, programs and organizations are developing. There is SO much more available now than there was when our first child was diagnosed. Look for others to help you on your path. There are organizations, support groups, websites and the professionals that work with your child. Chances are at least one of those resources will have someone who has gone through a problem you are going through and can help guide you through it.
The key point that I reminded the parent, was that you need to be flexible, and understand they are struggling too. If you can love them, and keep your calm, and sense of humor, it will be worth it, and they will make it through.
And I’d like to remind you, that you can make it as well.
