This was a great question I saw recently, and the question very much is, “it depends”. So lets break this down into what will help a person on the spectrum thrive in a new environment.
No matter what you do, there will most likely be some setbacks, regression, and frustration for the individual.
You must realize that any change, good or bad, can cause stress, which can cause those on the autism spectrum to have problems adjusting due to the fact that most are schedule and routine driven. However, these can be reduced if you can keep things as close to normal as possible, be patient, and try to catch any potential pitfalls early on.
Reasons They May Not Thrive
OK, so lets start with reasons why someone may not thrive in a new environment.
Change is Difficult
I remember reading Who Moved My Cheese a few years ago, and I thought they were nuts. Well, at least when dealing with people on the spectrum, which is not who the book is for. The book talks about how, in general, change is inevitable, and how we need to be prepared to change. Of course, that is a challenge for those on the spectrum who love their routines.
So a change will automatically put that person “behind the 8-ball” as they say, or in general, at a disadvantage. So if you are looking for a new environment, you will need to make sure you can offset this initial change so that they can be successful and thrive in their new environment.
New is Not Always Better
There is a general belief among people, that new is better. I just like to point out “New Coke” and end the conversation right there. But it doesn’t have to be a huge multi-million dollar marketing disaster to be a disaster.
Think long and hard about changes, to see if they are important, correct and necessary. Sometimes it’s better to not rock the boat if everything is running smoothly.
Didn’t Prepare Them for a Change
Of course, a lot of this could be fixed by properly preparing the person for the change. When you throw a person into a changed environment, and don’t properly prepare them, it can be chaos. This frequently happens with neuro-typical people, so it can be much worse for those on the autism spectrum.
I remember at a former employer, people were told that they were going to have to work at home while the company redesigned the interior of the building. Well, people got used to working from home, avoiding the 45-90 minute commute. When they returned, they saw the new office. They weren’t shown plans before they arrived. The cubicles were gone and now there was an open office layout…and noise. Lots of noise. You wouldn’t believe the number of neuro-typical people who told me about the sensory overload they were experiencing. I could only imagine what it would have been like for someone on the spectrum.
Giving Them a Chance to Thrive
So instead of setting up your friend, loved one, or maybe just a co-worker, for failure, let’s look at how to set them up for success.
Let Them Know About the Change Early On
Since change can be challenging for someone on the spectrum, giving them advanced notice (notice not warning) to let them know about the change is huge.
When my family moved from our home of over 10 years, we were talking about it for months in advance. We took them to the new house (which was in a different state), we took them to area restaurants while we were there, etc. We talked about it before and after our visit, and “slowly” packed up our house, so they could get used to the changes as they occurred, instead of forcing them to change all at once.
If they are changing schools, see if you can do a walk through with them. Make sure you take them to Meet the Teacher events, and anything else you can do to talk up the change and prepare them for it. Speak positively, and encouragingly about the change.
We also have been doing this as our eldest has aged out of the school system. For almost 20 years he has been going to school, and now he keeps asking about what’s going on this August. Luckily he was part of a transition to work program, and is thriving at his new job, but it’s taken lots of discussion, and preparation for months before hand to help make it easier on him.
Let Them Be Part of the Change
Letting them be part of the change is helpful as well. When looking for a new house, my wife and I did the initial search and visits and then narrowed it down to just a few houses that we thought would work best. Then we brought the kids to these houses to see their reactions, which helped us learn things that were good for them and not so good so we could pick the house that worked the best for everyone. When we moved, we let the boys pick their rooms, decide how they were going to decorate them, and even let them feel like they were part of the decision for picking the house. It was a huge change, and so we let them be part of the process as much as possible so they felt like they had some control over the change.
Sometimes, they have no say. Schools change because of zoning issues, aging out of one school, etc. People they see at work, school, church, or the store may change due to people moving, changing jobs, vacations, etc.
This doesn’t even include changes due to aging (puberty), getting a job, or adulthood in general. All these things may make them feel helpless, so that leads us to the next step.
Find the Positives
One thing I’ve found is that not all change is bad. Even when it’s not a choice you made. I remember getting laid off from an employer (a change forced on me) which I hated when told. But I quickly started to look for the positives as well. While it forced me to look for new work, it led to a higher salary, and eventually a career change I hadn’t thought possible.
Whenever we talk to the boys about change, we hype the positives, so they focus on those things. If you focus on the negatives, that is all they will see. But if you talk up the change and point out the positives, they won’t focus on just the negatives.
With our large move, we talked about they were getting their own rooms. We highlighted the larger back yard to play in. There were lots of other positives, some we cared more about than they did, but all in all, we were able to show them the positives and how it helped.
Mitigate the Negatives
Now, not everything will be positive. Even if you have total control over the change, you often have something that can cause issues. So you have to find a way to handle those negatives. In our move, there were two major negatives. First we were moving away from family, which we loved and visited frequently, and second, our new town didn’t have our boys’ favorite restaurant.
The second was easy – the next town over (about 45 minutes away) had one. So whenever we went there, we took the boys, and made an afternoon of it, making sure to stop for a meal. We went from going there twice a week, to every other week, but it was still manageable.
The first was a little harder. In our case, we were able to set up a guest room, and we made sure our family knew they could come and visit at anytime. We also made sure that they visited early on with each grandmother visiting at different times. We also worked on how we could travel with our family to visit their grandparents, aunts, and cousins. This way every 4-6 months they still were able to see their grandparents. These actions took patience, time, and planning, but we were able to make it work, so that we could reduce the effects of the negatives.
Outcomes
I think the key thing to ask is why this change in environment is occurring. We’ve asked ourselves is the change really necessary – and sometimes it isn’t, so we’ve stopped.
When it was necessary, try to focus on the positives, downplay the negatives, and try to keep things as close to normal as you can, so you set up your friend or family member to be able to thrive in their new environment. If possible do things in stages to ease them into the change. Try to give them as much control and input as possible during this change. Most importantly be patient and understanding during this change. It is a huge deal to them and they will need your love and support to flourish.
Our eldest recently started working. Something we initially never thought possible, especially since we were told to expect to have him institutionalized – possibly even before he finished high school. This was a big change, and we worked through all those steps, talking it up, training in a transition to work program at school, meeting with the people at his work to know what he needed, and how we could help him, etc. Because of it, his work experience has been great.
Likewise, our move was a good thing. It gave us room for our growing family to thrive as our family had grown too large for our previous home. If you can’t tell, we moved to a more rural area, which meant a slower pace of life, which helps keep our kids from being overwhelmed. Still, it was all a big change, and you saw the steps we took to alleviate the issues. That doesn’t mean we were always happy during the process, or shortly after, but it was a lot better than it could have been.
